How Learning to Love Myself Changed My Body—and My Life

 worked in the fitness industry for over 10 years, and I’ve been working out consistently for 17.

For most of that time, I was always on a diet—chasing an unattainable version of “the perfect body.” I was constantly obsessed with what I ate and drank. It was always all or nothing. I couldn’t seem to find a healthy, sustainable balance.

I wish I could say I did it all out of a deep love for health and self-care, but that wouldn’t be true.

The real reason I pushed myself so hard was because I believed that if I could just achieve the perfect body, I’d finally be enough. Worthy. Lovable. I truly thought that if I didn’t look “hot,” I would never find love—that I’d end up alone.

Eventually, I did get my body to a place where even my abs had abs. I had never looked better.

But to get there, I had to live on a brutally strict diet. I counted, weighed, and measured every single thing I ate. I couldn’t go out to eat with friends—or if I did, I’d bring my own food or just drink water. No alcohol. If I was out with my girls, it was Diet Pepsi and sugar-free Red Bull for me.

It got so extreme that I ended up in the hospital after nearly drowning my brain from drinking too much water. (Fun fact: sodium is kind of important—lesson learned, y’all.)

And guess what? None of it fixed the deep feelings of unworthiness I had inside.

In fact, I was more unhealthy—mentally and physically—than I had ever been.

Then came the great breakup of 2019.

If you don’t know that story, here’s the short version: I dated a guy I thought was “the one,” he broke my heart, and that heartbreak launched me into the wildest, most transformative spiritual healing journey of my life.

I started that journey because I was terrified of being alone forever—just me and a bunch of cats.

I thought I had the fitness and nutrition side of things handled. I mean, I built a career around it, right? But now, it was time to heal my heart.

And when I started working on those internal wounds, something truly miraculous happened:

I let go of the obsession with dieting and fitness—and my body began to change in a different way.

• I stopped counting, weighing, and measuring my food.
  

• I started eating intuitively and stopped when I felt full.
  

• I moved my body in ways that felt good—I chose workouts that were fun.
  

• I rested when I needed to and didn’t feel guilty about it.
  

• I let myself enjoy “unhealthy” foods without beating myself up.
  

• I wanted to eat nourishing foods because they made me feel good, not because I was chasing a body men would find attractive.
  

For the first time in my life, I discovered balance.

I even threw out my scale. I stopped defining myself by numbers and started appreciating my body for what it could do, not just how it looked.

I’d look in the mirror and say, “Damn girl, you’re hot and sexy.”

And you know what?

I actually love my body now—not because of any diet, but because I learned to love myself from the inside out.